# Goblin Punch — complete archive in chronological order

Source: https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/
Essays: 100 · Span: 2012-11-21 to 2014-01-03 · Total reading time: ~11 hours

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## Essays

1. [Tumble Melon Tree](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/tumble-melon-tree.html) (2012-11-21)
2. [Psuedo-Imaginary Dinosaur](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/imaginary-dinosaur.html) (2012-11-21) — 3 min
  Goblin Punch, explores the intriguing concept of Pseudo-Imaginary Dinosaurs. With the power to appear to some while remaining nonexistent to others, these creatures blur the boundaries of perception and challenge the very fabric of our understanding.
3. [Initiative Rolls
](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/initiative-rolls.html) (2012-11-23) — 2 min
  Looking to add some complexity and excitement to your RPG combat? Check out this article on different types of initiative systems by Goblin Punch. From persistent initiative that speeds up play to turn-by-turn initiative that injects randomness, this piece explores the pros and cons of each approach. Plus, learn about the fascinating world of initiative modifiers and the debate between group, individual, and no initiative systems. Get ready to take your tabletop battles to the next level!
4. [Hagula](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/hagula.html) (2012-11-27) — 4 min
  Goblin Punch explores the world of hagulas, or "haggers" - humanoid fish creatures with sinuous bodies and razor-sharp teeth. From their amphibious nature to their bizarre mating habits, Goblin Punch takes us on a journey to discover the secrets of these creatures lurking in America's submerged cities.
5. [What's That Noise](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/whats-that-noise.html) (2012-11-28) — 3 min
  Goblin Punch takes you on a wild ride through three intriguing settings: Centerra, Duscuro, and Noxious America. From grimy fantasy landscapes to a world infested with gods and aliens, and a twisted 1930's America where Lovecraft meets noir, this blog is a collection of the author's thoughts on Dungeons and Dragons, engineering, art, fiction, and more. Get ready to dive into a realm of cliche-punting, transformation, and decaying worlds as Goblin Punch invites you to explore this captivating blend of imagination and creativity.
6. [Random Weather Table
](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/noxious-weather.html) (2012-11-28) — 8 min
  Goblin Punch presents a captivating and unpredictable "Random Weather Table," taking mundane weather to bizarre extremes. From acid rain to drunken fog, this peculiar forecast offers a 5% chance of encountering truly extraordinary phenomena. Discover the psychedelic hallucinatory skies, blackness devoid of any light, and clouds raining blasphemous secrets. Unusual weather doesn't catch you off guard, providing a brief warning for the strange events that will unfold. With each oddity lasting for a few hours, this whimsical adventure is sure to pique your curiosity and keep you on your toes. Get ready for a wild ride through an unpredictable weather system!
7. [Non-Euclidean Architecture
](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/11/non-euclidean-architecture.html) (2012-11-29) — 8 min
  Goblin Punch invites you to enter the fascinating world of Non-Euclidean Architecture. By deviating from Euclid's fifth postulate, parallel lines no longer remain equidistant from each other. With examples of elliptic and hyperbolic geometries, the author explores how space can curve and parallel lines can either converge or diverge. Discover how these mind-bending concepts are applied in tabletop gaming, such as the enigmatic Pillar Room. Step into a room where walking 360 degrees around a square pillar can lead you to a different dimension, challenging your perception of space and reality. Prepare to have your mind twisted with this intriguing exploration.
8. [The Mighty Plot Machine
](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-mighty-plot-machine.html) (2012-12-05) — 5 min
  Goblin Punch delves into the world of plot generators, bringing you the "thickest" and most ridiculous plot you'll ever need. This random plot generator will not only help craft your next story but also provide NPC names. Prepare to be entertained and inspired as Goblin Punch combines adjectives, nouns, descriptions, and superpowers to create the wildest plots. Get ready for boneless, hella dramatic men-babies, rocket-powered turtles, and summoning infinite armies of heavy-browed mooks. Click the link and let your imagination run wild with this unique and hilarious plot generator.
9. [The Awakened
](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-awakened.html) (2012-12-08) — 9 min
  Goblin Punch takes readers on a chilling exploration of the mysterious and unsettling world of the Awakened. Delving into the psychology, behavior, and biology of these enigmatic beings that emerge after extended periods of wakefulness, the author raises questions about the dark mysteries of the human heart and the forgotten realms from which these creatures may come. With vivid descriptions and thought-provoking insights, this article promises to leave readers with a spine-tingling understanding of the Awakened and their impact on the world around them.
10. [Volguloi ](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/04/ive-decided-that-i-want-to-write-just.html) (2013-04-30) — 6 min
  Goblin Punch takes a strikingly dark and poetic dive into the world of the Volguloi, a mysterious and grotesque creature. This thought-provoking essay explores themes of memory, transformation, and the desperate quest for identity in a macabre and atmospheric setting. As the Volguloi navigates its rebirth and grasps for the remnants of its former life, readers are taken on a chilling journey filled with vivid imagery and unsettling revelations. Prepare to be captivated by this tale of ancient magic and the terrifying consequences that follow.
11. [Non-Euclidean Architecture, Part 2
](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/non-euclidean-architecture-part-2.html) (2013-05-06) — 8 min
  Discover the mind-bending world of non-Euclidean architecture in part 2 of Goblin Punch's captivating essay. Uncover the secrets of hyper-elliptic spaces, where rooms defy traditional geometry and push the boundaries of perception. Explore the intriguing notion of three-dimensional manifolds and the mind-boggling concept of living in a four-dimensional universe. Prepare to have your brain exploded by the sheer complexity of these illogical spaces. Dive into this fascinating exploration of spatial paradoxes and challenge your understanding of the physical world. Just be warned, things are going to get confusing in this riveting journey through bent space-time.
12. [Gimme Diminishing Returrns](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/gimme-diminishing-returrns.html) (2013-05-14) — 3 min
  Arnold K explores the concept of implementing a low-level, gritty system in Dungeons and Dragons, where both level 1 and level 5 characters can fight alongside each other and contribute equally. He discusses the need for a non-linear progression of skills, HP, and attack bonuses to create a system that plateaus early. Arnold proposes two options, one involving narrower skill categories and another using a point buy system. He also suggests a unique idea of purchasing base attack bonuses with diminishing returns, potentially merging Fighters and Thieves into one class. Dive into this thought-provoking article to discover new possibilities for your DnD campaigns.
13. [Eldritch Americana](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/eldritch-americana.html) (2013-05-14) — 5 min
  Step into a realm where the apocalypse has already occurred, and America is a wild and dangerous place. In this captivating essay, Arnold K presents the intriguing concept of "Eldritch Americana." Explore a world where gangsters and shoggoths coexist, where cities have walled themselves off to survive, and where the dead have risen to prey on the living. With elements of 1920s exuberance, Lovecraftian horror, and a diverse array of characters, this essay will transport you to a unique and thrilling campaign setting that celebrates the dark side of American history. Don't miss out on this spellbinding journey into the depths of imagination.
14. [The Electromancer, his Foe, and the Worm](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-electromancer-his-foe-and-worm.html) (2013-05-15) — 10 min
  Travel back to 1929 and witness the clash between the legendary inventors Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla in this captivating piece by Arnold K. Set in a post-apocalyptic world, the two brilliant minds battle not only with their inventions but also with their own personal demons. Edison locks himself away, haunted by electric ghosts, while Tesla converses with pigeons and delves into the mystical art of Electromancy. Discover the incredible real-life rivalry between these inventors, the birth of power grids, and the war of the currents. Get ready to be transported to an alternate reality where history takes an electrifying turn.
15. [Wtf are those goblins doing?](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/wtf-are-those-goblins-doing.html) (2013-05-16) — 6 min
  Arnold K delves into the fascinating world of goblins in this humorous and unapologetic article. With a unique perspective on these infamous creatures, K explores the versatility and potential of goblins in creating dynamic and engaging encounters for players. From their diverse activities, such as combat training and cooking, to their interesting pastime of "kiss-the-rat," this article challenges preconceived notions about goblins and showcases their potential for inventive storytelling. Prepare for a wild ride and a fresh take on these little green troublemakers.
16. [Potions Make You Fat](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/potions-make-you-fat.html) (2013-05-17) — 3 min
  Arnold K presents an alternative perspective on healing in popular role-playing games, offering a unique and intriguing approach to the concept. By introducing ideas such as restoring hit points through meals, inspiring speeches, or even a gulp of hard liquor, he challenges the traditional methods of magical healing and encourages players to consider the potential risks and benefits associated with each approach. This thought-provoking essay sheds light on the potential for more dynamic and immersive gameplay, making it a must-read for avid gamers and tabletop enthusiasts alike.
17. [Your Next Villain's Voice](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/your-next-villains-voice.html) (2013-05-18) — 2 min
  Step into the world of roleplaying games as Arnold K takes you on a journey exploring the power of voices and accents in creating memorable villains and characters. From Chigurh's chilling ramblings to the intense thug-like voice of Tony in Scarface, Arnold K dives into the art of voice acting and the impact it can have on your gameplay experience. Discover the inspiration behind iconic characters like Heath Ledger's Joker and get ready to add a new level of immersion to your next tabletop adventure. Unleash your creativity and have fun with ridiculous voices, because DnD is always more enjoyable that way.
18. [Asthmatic Berserkers and Skeleton Jellies](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/asthmatic-berserkers-and-skeleton.html) (2013-05-19) — 2 min
  Arnold K delivers a refreshing take on monster mechanics, showcasing five low-level creatures with unique gimmicks. From the Asthmatic Berserker with its temporary bursts of rage to the unrelenting Skeleton Jelly that can't be damaged, these monsters reward clever tactics and quick thinking. Arnold's inventive creations will challenge your players to come up with creative solutions, turning seemingly invincible foes into trivial obstacles. Whether you're a seasoned DM looking for fresh ideas or a player seeking new challenges, this article promises to inject excitement into your next gaming session.
19. [Stark Staring Mad](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/stark-staring-mad.html) (2013-05-20) — 3 min
  In this mind-bending essay, Arnold K delves into his unique take on insanity mechanics in tabletop role-playing games. By exploring the psychological aspects of the game, K introduces "Insanity Points" and outlines how they can lead to both breakdowns and permanent madness. With a focus on character development and the impact of choices, K's approach adds a fascinating layer of realism and consequences to gameplay. If you've ever wondered about the role of sanity in RPGs and the potential for memorable storytelling, this article is a must-read.
20. [The Eight Dooms of Eldritch America](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-eight-dooms-of-eldritch-america.html) (2013-05-26) — 5 min
  Discover the dark consequences that await magic-users in Eldritch America. Arnold K delves into the dangers of casting spells, as every miscast increases the likelihood of Doom. Sorcerers gain Doom Points, and at 10, 20, and 30, they face horrific outcomes such as The Doom of Fools, The Doom of Kings, and The Ultimate Doom. No established methods can save them from their personal Dooms, though some ultra-wizards seem to have found a way. However, the mutations, insanity, and lesser Dooms often prove to be their downfall before the Ultimate Doom arrives. Prepare for a thrilling and unpredictable journey into the world of magic in this captivating essay.
21. [The Platonic Dwarf](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-platonic-dwarf.html) (2013-05-30) — 10 min
22. [Crawling Giants](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/there-are-giants-in-earth.html) (2013-06-02) — 8 min
23. [Lumpy Space Monkeys](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/welcome-back-agent.html) (2013-06-03) — 19 min
24. [Triggers and Tricks](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/triggers-and-tricks.html) (2013-06-03) — 2 min
25. [The Skill Score](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-skill-score.html) (2013-06-04) — 2 min
26. [Diminishing HP](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/diminishing-hp.html) (2013-06-05) — 1 min
27. [Goblins, Funglybears, and Filth Libraries](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/yoblins-funglybears-and-filth-libraries.html) (2013-06-05) — 9 min
28. [A Spell Called Catherine](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-spell-called-catherine.html) (2013-06-07) — 9 min
29. [Fire, Fire, and Slime](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/fire-fire-and-slime.html) (2013-06-08) — 4 min
30. [Boggy Pox](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/frog-pox.html) (2013-06-10) — 2 min
31. [Ghoul Bear](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/is-someone-there-somin-asked-as-he.html) (2013-06-24) — 6 min
32. [Roaches, a Playable Race](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/roaches-playable-race.html) (2013-06-25) — 8 min
33. [Dinner Jackets, Plate Mail, and Barbecue Sauce](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/dinner-jackets-plate-mail-and-barbecue.html) (2013-06-28) — 3 min
34. [Fighter DESCRIPTORS](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/06/fighter-descriptors.html) (2013-06-29) — 3 min
35. [Astrotopia, the Lost City](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/07/gengrilaa-lost-city.html) (2013-07-02) — 7 min
36. [Catbooks](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/07/catbooks.html) (2013-07-05) — 6 min
37. [Heralds of the Immaculate Morning](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/07/heralds-of-immaculate-morning.html) (2013-07-06) — 10 min
38. [Guns Against Darkness](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/07/guns-against-darkness.html) (2013-07-08) — 6 min
39. [Eldritch Ammunition](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/07/eldritch-ammunition.html) (2013-07-09) — 9 min
40. [Stink Bombs](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/07/stink-bombs.html) (2013-07-09) — 4 min
41. [L'essanque's Madness](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/09/lessanques-madness.html) (2013-09-06) — 5 min
42. [Nantucket Madness](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/09/nantucket-madness.html) (2013-09-11) — 5 min
43. [I Killed All The Humans](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/i-killed-all-humans.html) (2013-10-11) — 10 min
44. [After His Burial And Before His Death](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/after-his-burial-and-before-his-death.html) (2013-10-11) — 13 min
45. [Exponential Monies](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/exponential-monies.html) (2013-10-14) — 2 min
46. [Mondaloa, God and City](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/mondaloa-god-and-city.html) (2013-10-14) — 3 min
47. [Stealth, Surprise, and Encounter Distance](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/stealth-surprise-and-encounter-distance.html) (2013-10-15) — 3 min
48. [Everything You Know About Ghouls is Wrong](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/everything-you-know-about-ghouls-is.html) (2013-10-15) — 3 min
49. [A Simian Wrote This](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/a-simian-wrote-this.html) (2013-10-16) — 7 min
50. [The Incomprehensible Virility of Goatmen](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-incomprehensible-virility-of-goatmen.html) (2013-10-17) — 3 min
51. [Born From a Museum Drawer](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/born-from-museum-drawer.html) (2013-10-18) — 7 min
52. [The Pastoral Life of the Lavei Family](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-pastoral-life-of-lavei-family.html) (2013-10-18) — 23 min
53. [The Royal Cannibals](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-royal-cannibals.html) (2013-10-20) — 5 min
54. [The Vine](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-vine.html) (2013-10-22) — 4 min
55. [Death and Dismemberment Upon the Table](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/death-and-dismemberment-upon-table.html) (2013-10-23) — 1 min
56. [When Is a Wolf Not a Wolf?](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/when-is-wolf-not-wolf.html) (2013-10-26) — 10 min
57. [Zath Ko Macchen and the Poltergeist Moon](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/zath-ko-macchen-and-poltergeist-moon.html) (2013-10-29) — 9 min
58. [Tongue Demons](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/tongue-demons.html) (2013-10-29) — 3 min
59. [Dinosaur Clerics, a New Class](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/10/dinosaur-clerics-new-class.html) (2013-10-30) — 7 min
60. [Inventing the Tiger](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/inventing-tiger.html) (2013-11-02) — 5 min
61. [The Land of Flowers](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-land-of-flowers.html) (2013-11-04) — 12 min
62. [Noth](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/postponing-empire.html) (2013-11-04) — 7 min
63. [Charcorra](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/charcorra.html) (2013-11-05) — 6 min
64. [Another Damn Skill System](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/another-damn-skill-system.html) (2013-11-06) — 3 min
65. [Yet Another Damn Skill System](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/yet-another-damn-skill-system.html) (2013-11-10) — 3 min
66. [Art Sans Artiste](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/art-sans-artiste.html) (2013-11-11) — 1 min
67. [Taming the Mouse](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/taming-mouse_12.html) (2013-11-12) — 3 min
68. [The Goblin Library](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-goblin-library.html) (2013-11-13) — 3 min
69. [Armor and Inventory](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/armor-and-inventory.html) (2013-11-13) — 4 min
70. [Armor and Inventory Jr.](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/armor-and-inventory-jr.html) (2013-11-14) — 5 min
71. [Brynth](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/brynth.html) (2013-11-15) — 12 min
72. [Nalta](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/nalta.html) (2013-11-18) — 14 min
73. [Balalang](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/balalang.html) (2013-11-25) — 8 min
74. [OMFG Weapons](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/omfg-weapons.html) (2013-11-26) — 8 min
75. [Map of Centerra](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/map-of-centerra.html) (2013-11-28) — 3 min
76. [Encounters on the Sea of Fish](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/11/encounters-on-sea-of-fish.html) (2013-11-30) — 5 min
77. [Twelve Pirates](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/twelve-pirates.html) (2013-12-01) — 5 min
78. [Six Pirates and a Bird](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/six-pirates-and-bird.html) (2013-12-01) — 6 min
79. [Statistical Weight](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/statistical-weight.html) (2013-12-02) — 4 min
80. [The Abominable Island](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-abominable-island.html) (2013-12-02) — 11 min
81. [Jack Vance Walks Into a Pilates Studio](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/jack-vance-walks-into-pilates-studio.html) (2013-12-05) — 6 min
82. [Towards a Better Cleric](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/towards-better-cleric.html) (2013-12-08) — 7 min
83. [Nalta](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/nalta-2nd-attempt.html) (2013-12-09) — 14 min
84. [Lady Evica](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/lady-evica.html) (2013-12-09) — 18 min
85. [Three Things and How They Died](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/three-things-and-how-they-died.html) (2013-12-10) — 2 min
86. [Escape from the Gladiator Pits of the Yoblin Kings](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/escape-from-gladiator-pits-of-yoblin.html) (2013-12-11) — 4 min
87. [A Perfect Pleasant Pair of Pigs](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-perfect-pleasant-pair-of-pigs.html) (2013-12-13) — 4 min
88. [Point of Narrative Interpretation](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/point-of-narrative-interpretation.html) (2013-12-14) — 5 min
89. [Conditional Initiative](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/conditional-initiative.html) (2013-12-16) — 5 min
90. [Escape from the Gladiator Pits of the Yoblin Kings pt 2](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/escape-from-gladiator-pits-of-yoblin_19.html) (2013-12-19) — 3 min
91. [Tubular Peacock](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/tubular-peacock.html) (2013-12-20) — 3 min
92. [Drugsdrugsdrugs](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/drugsdrugsdrugs.html) (2013-12-21) — 14 min
93. [Down, down, to Yoblin Town](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/down-down-to-yoblin-town.html) (2013-12-22) — 6 min
94. [Running Through Yoblintown While Caked In Feces](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/running-through-yoblintown-while-caked.html) (2013-12-23) — 3 min
95. [The House of Hours](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-house-of-hours.html) (2013-12-26) — 83 min
96. [The Hybrid Dungeon](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-hybrid-dungeon.html) (2013-12-27) — 6 min
97. [Sister Witches and Monastic Wizards](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/sister-witches-and-monastic-wizards.html) (2013-12-28) — 16 min
98. [Dirtsimple Dungeonsquads](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2013/12/dirtsimple-dungeonsquads.html) (2013-12-30) — 6 min
99. [More Monastic Wizards](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2014/01/more-monastic-wizards.html) (2014-01-02) — 9 min
100. [Even More Monastic Wizards](https://goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2014/01/even-more-monastic-wizards.html) (2014-01-03) — 10 min