Tim Urban delves into the realm of Facebook etiquette, dissecting the types of posts that are annoying and ultimately unappealing. With humor and insightful analysis, he breaks down the motivations behind these posts and explores why some statuses are captivating while others make us cringe. Prepare to laugh, nod in agreement, and reconsider your own Facebook behavior as you embark on this exploration of the seven ways to be insufferable on the world's most popular social media platform. Click here to read more.

7 Ways to Be Insufferable on Facebook

Prepare to be transported back in time to the grim and gruesome era of the Middle Ages. In this eye-opening article, we delve into the art of the time to explore the truly terrible situations that medieval people found themselves in. From sarcastic individuals who are just completely over it, to women being molested by creepy-looking individuals and even being raped by bunnies, this glimpse into the past will make you appreciate the luxuries of the modern world. 

Medieval people really went through some shit.  Suppression by the church, barbarian invasions, the crusades, unthinkable torture, the Black Plague—it was unpleasant.
To help us grasp just how bad it was, let’s take a look at the art of the time to check things out first hand.  All the below is actual medieval art, painted between 700 and 1500AD.
People in Mildly Shitty Situations
 

If you were wondering whether sarcasm existed in the Middle Ages, this should answer your question.  These dudes are just completely over it.  The lusty men behind them certainly aren’t making anything better.


Mary was into being a celebrity for awhile but she’s just fucking sick of it now.  This is like her 495th event showing people the magic baby.


Bored was about the best thing you could hope for in medieval times.  And these statues are making no attempt to hide their boredom, mastering the “restlessly checking their watch” demeanor.


It even sucked being the sun in medieval times.  Look at all those shapes he has to deal with.


Six of the lowest self-esteem people ever painted.  Hard to imagine lower morale than this.


Every day is the new worst day of this guy’s life.  The least they could have done was made the ceiling high enough for him to stand up straight while manually laboring all day.


This man’s reality is that he lives with a monkey, a little boy, two mating chickens, and a cat wearing glasses—and he just seems broken by it.


People Having Fully Bad Days

This woman has a full situation going on.  She’s being molested by 11 of the creepiest-looking people ever, and as if that weren’t enough, there’s a knife-winged seagull flying into her head.


“Oh for fuck’s sake” was all this man could say when he took a turn down the wrong alleyway at the wrong time and was stripped naked and gang beaten by a hardened group of toddlers.


The Middle Ages took “undignified” to a different level.  This man doesn’t even look that upset by his current situation, suggesting that he’s used to this kind of thing happening.


Yup.  It’s what it looks like.  A woman being raped by a bunny.  There’s no way a modern bunny would ever have that rapey a facial expression on, let alone act on it.

People Just Completely in the Shit

It’s just a really, really bad situation for this guy.  Having your feet sawed off is simply not a part of life today.  Standard procedure in the Middle Ages.


Today, an old weathered person would just be old and weathered.  A medieval old person is weathered, yes, but they also have a butcher knife stuck in their head, piercing their brain.  And this guy just deals with it, trudging on through his medieval life.


Medieval times were so shitty that being burned at the stake represented a somewhat average day in your life.  These guys have certainly been through worse, as evidenced by their blasé expressions.


Likewise, this man is positively enjoying being torn apart by hell monsters.  This is actually one of his better days.


Today, bad weather consists of rain.  Maybe even a hurricane.  Then?  A fire shower and an air strike by murderous stars.  We won’t even bring up the fact that a huge severed animal leg and a bored two-headed horse are part of the equation.


Now come on.  What could someone possibly do that’s so bad it warrants having his intestines reeled out of him?  Also note the man being buried alive and the synchronized baby butchering in the background.  You know shit was bad when you’re the guy on the left and your stomach has been carved open and you’re in only the fifth worst situation in the vicinity.


You’d think with a collection of situations this bad, it might be hard to choose the climactic worst one to put last.  And yet, this man being simultaneously eaten by the devil and pushed out through his vagina is a pretty clear winner.  Just another day in the Middle Ages.

Medieval People In Bad Situations

God's Wounded Ego

12 Types Of People You’ll Find In Every Hostel

Tim Urban hilariously dismantles fourteen commonly used sayings that range from misleading to downright irritating. Unveiling the flaws in expressions like "fool me once, shame on you," Urban probes into their logical absurdity and challenges their underlying assumptions. With a witty writing style, the author takes a lighthearted jab at these clichés, debunking their supposed wisdom. Prepare to have your perspectives on these idiomatic phrases hilariously turned upside down!

There are a lot of sayings out there. So many that they just kind of blend into normal English. People say things like “enough is enough” and “it goes without saying” and “first things first” without even realizing they’re quoting some proverb. Some sayings originated in movies. Others were coined by famous writers or celebrities. A shocking amount were coined by Shakespeare. And while most of these idioms are serving us just fine, there are some that need to go:

1) Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Why? Why, if someone fools me twice, should I feel shameful? And what kind of dick fools people twice? It should go, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, seriously get the hell away.”

2) It’s deja vu all over again. This is just annoying. Further, I’ve never experienced deja vu. I said this once in a group of people and everyone made me feel bad about myself. Sorry if I’m not some mythical being who’s connected to the spirits and sees dead people and thinks they’ve been in situations in another lifetime before. That definitely makes me the weird one here.

3) I slept like a baby. Babies don’t sleep well. They’re incredibly light, restless sleepers.

4) The only person you can trust is yourself. What kind of horrible lives have people had that they say this shit? Who would want to marry someone who says this kind of thing? Frankly, I trust a lot of people more than I trust myself. I mess a lot of things up. I’m a pretty reckless driver, I sleep through my alarm sometimes, I do everything at the last minute, I lose stuff, I mistreat my belongings, I buy too many groceries andend up throwing a lot of them out—I’m not especially trustworthy.

5) I’ll forgive…but I will never forget. Oh, won’t you? Well at least you forgave me, in that ominous vengeful way. Thanks for that.

6) Things are not always what they seem. This one is only on the list because it’s the kind of thing the scary narrator would say at the beginning of the kids’ ghost movie and it upset me when I was five.

7) Don’t be a stranger. First of all, it’s just kind of an annoying thing to say. Secondly, the only people who have ever said this to me are people I kind of hope I don’t have to hang out with again for a long time.

8) Life is short. I know. And it’s a fact that upsets me. And I don’t want to be reminded of it. The worst is when people follow this with something, like, “Life is short, so make the most of it.” That’s like someone telling me, “You know that great relationship you’re in? Well, I know the future and she’s going to leave you for another guy in three weeks, so make the most of it now!” or“You’re going to get fired in a month, so dive in and enjoy your job while it lasts!” It’s precisely when I forget that life is short and finite that I can actually enjoy myself.

9) The early bird catches the worm! The early bird is also kind of a smug piece of shit. This country has a discrimination problem when it comes to early risers and night owls. If someone works eight hours from 7am to 3pm, everyone’s like, “What a great adult!” But if someone works 10 hours, from 11am to 9pm, people are like, “He didn’t even get to work until 11 today—he really needs to get his life together.” And yes, this ispersonal.

10) Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. No comment.

11) Practice makes perfect! No it doesn’t. Practice makes it more painful when you’re still bad at it. I’ve spent a lot of time on driving ranges and putting greens.

12) A picture is worth 1,000 words. 1,000 is a gross exaggeration. This post is about 1,000 words. If I just posted some photo instead people wouldn’t be like, “That seems sufficient.” They’d be like, “What is this shitty photo and where is the Monday post?”  And doesn’t this contradict the whole notion of TV being a loathsome waste of time while reading is a wonderful, enriching activity? Which makes no sense, by the way. If someone sits inside all afternoonand watches the History Channel and learns all about the Civil War in the process, people would be like, “He’s just wasting away in there…so sad…he must be depressed.” But if they spend the afternoon reading some trashy novel—then what a wonderful way to spend a Saturday!

13) All good things come to those who wait. Not remotely true.

14) We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Thanks, dick, but if I wanted to discuss it later I wouldn’t have brought it up now.

14 Shitty Sayings

Tim Urban delves into our morbid fascination with death and our lack of knowledge regarding historical death tolls. From major news events to entertainment, humans have an undeniable fixation on death. Urban presents a captivating visual representation, using circles of varying sizes to depict the number of deaths throughout history. With meticulous research and attention to detail, he sheds light on key moments and tragedies, challenging our understanding of the scale and impact of these events. Prepare to be both enlightened and sobered by this thought-provoking exploration of the death toll comparison.

One of the things about humans is that they die sometimes, and one of the things humans pay a lot of attention to is other people dying. We do a pretty good job of distracting ourselves from the whole “I’m gonna die one day” thing, but the fixation is there, underneath the surface, and one way it shows through is how riveted we are by other people’s deaths.

The news is an obvious example—just open up CNN.com and typically, at least half of the headlines are about people dying. Entertainment is another—nothing locks eyes on a screen like the death of a character.

History is a less obvious example, but it’s the parts of history that involve a lot of people dying that usually compel us the most. That’s why there are so many war movies and so few movies about critical legislation being passed.

But for a crowd so interested in death, humans know surprisingly little about the actual numbers of people that died in key moments throughout history. Most of us know that 3,000 people died on 9/11, but how many Americans know how many Katrina victims there were, or how many people died in the American Revolution. Did the Christian Crusades kill 100 times as many people as the Vietnam War? Or were they identical in their death tolls? Given how much we talk about historical human tragedies, it seems like something we should have a better handle on. So let’s take a look.

Some quick notes:

The area of each circle in the graphic is exactly proportional to the number it’s representing and to the other circles in the graphic. Note the scale, and how it changes as the numbers grow. I chose circles and area because a one-dimensional scale like a bar graph doesn’t work when numbers are growing 1,000-fold over each other—you need two dimensions to be able to handle such a wide range. But keep in mind that with the way area works, a circle with double the diameter of another circle represents four times the deaths, not two.
I focused on human tragedies of various kinds, but sprinkled normal death statistics (the gray circles) throughout as comparison points to help put things in perspective.
I tried to maintain integrity in my research. There are many “sources” citing various death tolls online—so I made sure there was a reasonable consensus for all the numbers below. When there were too many differing opinions (like Howard Zinn saying European Colonialism killed 100 million people, with other sources saying it was 2 million), I left it out. Sometimes, there is genuine uncertainty to the exact death toll in an event, but a consensus about the lower and upper bound that the death toll might be. In those cases, I made the upper bound a big, faded circle, and the lower bound a smaller, brighter circle inside. For example, the total number of lucky people who had their hearts cut out and sacrificed by the Aztecs is unknown. But historians are pretty sure that the number is somewhere between 300,000 and 1,500,000. So I represented that like this, with two circles:

The Death Toll Comparison Breakdown

Prepare to have your perception of bunnies forever changed as Tim Urban takes you on a weird and wild journey through the confusing world of bunnies, rabbits, and hares. From debunking myths about their appearance to their likability, Urban reveals the bizarre and sometimes disturbing truth about these furry creatures. Brace yourself for an exploration that's bound to leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about bunnies and their identity crisis in this hilarious and eye-opening article. Get ready for a bunny rollercoaster you won't soon forget!

Is it weird to follow up a chilling post about the death tolls of the most horrible human tragedies with a post called The Bunny Manifesto? Does it make this a kind of fucking weird website for Monday’s post thumbnail image to be a group of circles, each representing thousands of lives lost, and Thursday’s post to follow with a thumbnail of an obese rabbit staring blankly into the camera?
I’d like to offer an explanation for Wait But Why’s behavior, but there is none. All I’ll say is that it’s this particular obese rabbit that got us into this situation in the first place:

I came across this photo during an unrelated google images search. “Oh look, a baby hippo,” I thought, and clicked to see a close-up, only to realize that it wasn’t a hippo, but a bunny. Never did I imagine I’d mistake a bunny for a hippo, but there we were, face to face.
Things took a further turn downward, as I realized that the concept of a bunny confused me in general. Is a bunny the same thing as a rabbit? How about a hare? I decided to take it to google images.
The results were unsettling.
Not only was I confused about what a bunny is—and not only did google images turn out to be confused about what a bunny is—bunnies themselves are confused about what a bunny is.
Searching google images, first for bunnies, then for rabbits, and then for hares, led me down a bizarre road, through a motley crew of somewhat disturbing creatures of all different varieties.
It calls for a full exploration. Get yourself settled in—I’m warning you now, this is gonna get weird.
Before we get going, I’d like to dispel three myths that were proven very wrong during this process:
Myth 1) Bunnies are normal looking.
Have a look at what I now know is a total anomaly in the bunny world—the normal-looking bunny:

This is what I always pictured when I imagined a bunny, and you should enjoy him for a second before I spend this post tearing apart your conception that this is what a bunny looks like.

It turns out that the above bunny is just a front. It’s what bunnies hope you think they look like. The troubling reality is that they far more often look about as normal as this:


This creature could easily pass for an alien in a science fiction movie.


Myth 2) Bunnies are cute.
Again, you probably think of a bunny being adorable, like this delightful little being.


False. Most bunnies are about this level of cute:


Myth 3) Bunnies are likable.
I want you to look at this bunny:


Imagine what he’s like to be around. Does he look playful? Does he look like he’d be pleasant to hang out with?

No, he doesn’t. He looks like a real dick. He looks bitey, he looks self-involved, and he strikes me as a huge pain in the ass to spend time with.

When I see photos of dogs and cats, I usually want to play with them. They’re on the same wavelength as humans. But it’s impossible to picture a bunny bouncing over to the door excitedly when you get home like a dog or just being calm and self-aware like a cat. The only two things I can picture a bunny being are scared and a dick.

So let’s just keep our expectations in the right place here.

Okay time to dive in. We’ll start with a straightforward one:


This bunny isn’t a disaster like some of the others, but just compare him (I’m making them all male, just deal with it) to the “normal-looking bunny” up top. The normal bunny looks like a normal expressionless animal. This one looks like a hapless loser. And animals aren’t supposed to look human adjectives, like hapless. Yet bunnies look human adjectives all the time, as you’ll see.

One of the other things bunnies have the odd inclination to do is to look like other animals. I’m not really sure why they think this is okay, but this behavior is rampant in the bunny community. For example, this bunny is posing as a hamster:


This one is pretending to be a cat:


This one, a bulldog:


This bunny looks like a large rat on the verge of tears:


Kangaroo:


Stick a couple tusks in these two jowls and you’ve completed your fake walrus:


Here we have a miniature knockoff lion. Borderline insane behavior. But at least I’ll give it to him that it’s a pretty accurate depiction:


A less successful attempt:


This one read Where The Wild Things Are and decided to look like one of the characters.

This one looks like a bunny, which is refreshing. But is he kidding with that fucking tongue? Of course, bunnies can’t just have a normal tongue you’d think they’d have, it has to be an absurdly mini human-looking tongue.


Finally, we get to a pretty normal-looking, even cute, bunny—naturally, he ruins it by doing obnoxious air quotes:


Self-esteem doesn’t run at a premium in the bunny world, but this one takes the cake for having the lowest:


An emo bunny:


Someone out there bought a bunny, envisioning playing with something like this (clearly without checking google images first):

And couldn’t have been too pleased to end up here:


Here we have two of the eeriest-looking animals I have ever laid eyes on:


Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and the two of them are just there, in your room, in that exact pose, looking at you. Horrifying.

Quick side note—so you know how sometimes you look at a word for long enough that it starts to just look weird, and wrong? And you’re suddenly not sure how anything is spelled? That’s how I feel right now about photos of bunnies. I’ve been looking at so many of them that I’m now not even sure about anything anymore. Like this little fellow here:


Right now, this looks fully like a little dog to me. But I’m not sure if it actually looks like a normal bunny and I’m just so fucked up in the head that I can’t tell anymore. Someone please let me know.

Continuing. And what better way to continue than a meth addict bunny.


Here we have a full-fledged Wasp on his estate in Martha’s Vineyard.


Now we move onto the angriest animal I’ve ever seen. Normal animals get angry in an animal way. But this bunny is furious in a human way. Again, not normal.

Here we have two bunnies posing as human grandparents, which would be odd enough without whatever the hell is happening with the brown one’s ear.


Honey Boo Boo’s mom:


Mean boarding school headmaster:


Your mom in the 70’s. Just really not clear why a bunny would look like that.


This bunny’s pretty sure he regrets bringing this girl back to his apartment:

Now we’re getting into super weird territory. Here is a legitimate British cartoon character bunny:


A bunny who forgot to stop being a fetus:



A fucking egg bunny. I don’t even care anymore.


Oh for Christ’s sake. Really? You have one life, and this is what you’re bringing to the table? Moving on…


Sure, why the fuck not. Nothing could surprise me at this point.


Congrats, cloud bunny. I thought I had seen it all, and you go ahead and do this. Enjoy your life.

Well I’d say that’s just about plenty for one day. I’ll never think of bunnies the same again now that I know the grim reality, and I assume you won’t either.

I’ll leave you with a bunny that’s just fucking sick of being a bunny. Understandably.

The Bunny Manifesto

What if all 7.1 Billion People Moved to Tunisia?

Prepare to cringe as Tim Urban takes you on a journey through the bizarre and disturbing world of vintage ads featuring children. From creepy facial expressions to unimaginable parenting techniques, Urban uncovers the shocking realities behind these ads from the 1900s to the 1950s. Get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions as you witness the unparalleled strangeness of these vintage advertisements that will leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about the past. Don't miss out on this eye-opening and jaw-dropping exposé of creepy kids in creepy vintage ads.

Message to every American currently between the ages of 55 and 110: I know your secret.

You had an incredibly weird childhood.
Here you are, living in 2014, pretending like your lives are normal, when as it turns out, your formative years were anything but normal. They were bizarre. And so were you. That’s the only way to put it.
I know this because I just spent all day looking at disturbing ads from the 1900s, 10s, 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s, all featuring children, and forgive me if I need a few days before I want to be around you again.
Denials will be useless, as I’ve carefully compiled ample evidence below. Let’s take a tour, category by category:
Girls Who Are a Weird Level of Hungry

This little girl needs to just settle down. That manic expression and those eager little hands are completely over-the-top. It’s just some white bread with jelly.


Okay yes, those slabs of low-grade ice cream look pretty delicious. But they don’t warrant total captivation. Let go of the bars and get ahold of yourself.


I get it, it’s a big plate of meat and you’re hungry, but again, just rein it in a notch. You’re not a dog.


Speaking of which, this girl is behaving like an uncivilized animal. You can want the Cocoanut and still act dignified.

Kids With Old Faces

That’s way too many eye wrinkles for a 6-year-old.


Okay both people in this ad need to get a fucking grip. I would reprimand the kid, but we can all see where he learned to act like a psycho. In any case, he should probably spend less time lusting over a glass of V-8 and more time worrying about the fact that both his face and hairstyle look like a 75-year-old Republican.


Aren’t you a little young to get someone’s attention with an 85-year-old person word like “say”? And why are you drinking so much soda—you’re like 7 months old.


Oh well this is a great life path. So apparently the kid in the previous ad decided to make a career out of his little act and actually got a job with Hires’ Rootbeer. All the soda has taken its toll, as he now looks 50.

We might as well explore this phenomenon, now that we’re here—

More Infants Drinking Soda

The Soda Pop Board of America was just like, “So let’s write down the things we want to be true and then make that the ad.”


Pure pleasure! Yes, you’ve really achieved something here by giving a fizzy, sugary drink to someone who has been alive for 50 days and getting a positive reaction.


That’s it. Shove it down the newborn’s throat.

Segues nicely into:

Parenting At Its Finest

Modern parents give their 2-month-old a pacifier. Maybe a blanky. In 1905? They handed the baby a razor and told it to start shaving.


Sun deprivation is the least of this baby’s problems, considering that he’s locked in the bathroom. This is literally a product for parents who are incubating their child in the gross, dark corner of the bathroom, never letting them see or know about the outside world.


On the sad little girl’s chest, it says, “Papa says it won’t hurt us!” So papa’s reasoning is, “I got a gun that has a child lock on it—now my 2-year-old daughter can finally sleep with a gun.”


“You see so many good things in Du Pont Cellophane.” Like, apparently, babies being murdered via suffocation.


No comment.

Babies With Intelligent Observations About Their Mother’s Cigarette Addiction

Really, lady? Your smoking habit has escalated to the point that your non-sentient infant can’t help but comment on it, and you respond as if you’re just talking to an adult, articulating the merits of this particular brand of cigarette?

Well now what the hell is going on here? Does this kid work for Marlboro? Where did he learn to pull manipulative shit like this?

Let’s just list the facts here:

1) This mother has a smoking addiction
2) She also beats her baby sometimes
3) The baby knows both #1 and #2, and has actually learned to outsmart this horrible woman by knowing her patterns well enough to use her addiction to mitigate the abuse.

Let’s move on.

Impossibly Annoying-Looking Redheaded Boys Excited To Put Food In Their Shit-Eating Mouths

I can barely look at this picture it annoys me so much.


A somewhat self-aware kid might not appreciate such an obvious and derogatory nickname. But Ginger here is so ragingly giddy to drink this soda that no other thought can enter his brain.


This kid looks rowdy as fuck. Good thing he took a break from egging the neighbors’ houses to climax over a glass of orange juice.


Yeah I bet you do “wish you had a million Oreos.” You know why? Cause you’re a creepy 50s ad kid who is outrageously into food. Let’s also note that this isn’t a photo, it’s a drawing—and they still chose to make him a redhead. I’ll never understand the 1950s fetish with prepubescent redheaded boys.

Murderous Nightmare-Inducing Children

This is some kind of judgment by Pears’ Soap. They had an ad team and a budget. They had time. And at the end of it all, they decided to go with a drowning baby trying to claw itself from the jaws of death.


Oh you know, just a murderous little girl covered in blood-colored dye. Zero remorse in her sociopathic facial expression.


Okay here we get to the kid that is going to haunt my sleep for the next few weeks. This is not a human child. All I can picture is being his parent and walking into his room at night to check on him, and when I’m standing over him, suddenly his eyes open wide in that smile, and his head starts spinning around and I’m in the shit trying to escape.


Here he is again. When he’s not knifing his parents to death, he keeps busy with his ad modeling career.


He’s not even trying to be non-sinister here. Somehow, the ad team at Karo cooking products looked at this ad and decided it was ready to go to the presses.

Incredibly Racist Children

“Why doesn’t your mamma wash you with fairy soap?” What a braggy little bitch. Also worth noting is the first class ire going on on the black girl’s face.


This girl just fully goes for it. Full-force bigotry. Two other questions—why is the boy wearing a dress, and why is the girl wearing shoes in the ocean?


Another gem from Pears’ Soap. Their claim is that black people are actually just really dirty white people. See? This nice white girl gives him the first bath of his life, and—voila! He’s white! The dude looks as shocked about it as I am.


And of course, if washing doesn’t work, well, you can always use paint!

Some kind of time you grew up in, 55-110 year olds.

Roly-Poly Rosey-Cheeked Rapey-Looking Four-Year-Old Boys Smugly Eating Something Sloppily
I really don’t know what else to say about this prominent genre of ad in the 40s. Let’s just meet at the bottom.





I think I’ve made my point.

55-110 year olds—any explanation for yourself?

Creepy Kids in Creepy Vintage Ads


In this mind-bending article, Tim Urban takes us on a journey through time, exploring the vastness of human and natural history. From the formation of Earth to the present moment, Urban puts time into perspective like never before. Through his thought-provoking timelines, he highlights just how brief our existence is in the grand scheme of things. Prepare to have your mind blown as you realize how insignificant our daily concerns are when compared to the immensity of time. Join Urban on this captivating exploration and gain a new appreciation for the fleeting nature of our lives.

Humans are good at a lot of things, but putting time in perspective is not one of them.  It’s not our fault—the spans of time in human history, and even more so in natural history, are so vast compared to the span of our life and recent history that it’s almost impossible to get a handle on it.  If the Earth formed at midnight and the present moment is the next midnight, 24 hours later,modern humans have been around since 11:59:59pm—1 second.  And if human history itself spans 24 hours from one midnight to the next, 14 minutes represents the time since Christ.

To try to grasp some perspective, I mapped out the history of time as a series of growing timelines—each timeline contains all the previous timelines (colors will help you see which timelines are which).  All timeline lengths are exactly accurate to the amount of time they’re expressing.

A note on dates:  When it comes to the far-back past, most of the dates we know are the subject of ongoing debate.  For these timelines, it’s cumbersome to put a ~ sign before every ancient date or an asterisk explaining that the date is still being debated, so I just used the most widely accepted dates and left it at that.

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